“You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.”
Albert Einstein

In 2006 I had the revelation that if I did everything I thought I should do, I would finally attain the life I imagined possible. So I set about exactly that: I ate a rigid diet, exercised zealously, cleaned out all my closets, scrubbed my floors, re-decorated my home (buying new furniture, painting rooms, etc), and applied myself relentlessly to improving my love life and career.

As a result of my efforts I gained weight, stagnated in my work, and traumatized myself in relationships. My one-bedroom apartment did end up looking rather spiffy though.

I had a period following this in which I spiraled into despair. It’s one thing not to try and imagine what would happen if you did. It’s another thing to try with everything you have and fail completely at every endeavor. It didn’t matter what I did, the universe had banned me from a successful life and I was left to struggle helplessly like a bug at a window forever.

So that was fun. However, after about two years of that experience I decided I would like to try something else. With retrospect I can explain how I began to improve my situation, though at the time it seemed sort of magical.

I grew patient.

The key flaw in my 2006 efforts was I believed if something hadn’t happened yet it couldn’t happen at all. Therefore I operated out of an emergency now-or-never mode that was sabotaging to say the least.

When 2008 arrived I recognized that I didn’t know how to achieve the results I wanted, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t happen. In an act of surrender, I took my foot off the accelerator and slowed down enough to learn how to drive.

Problem-solving consciousness is linear, goal oriented. It is reactive to negative emotions and likes extremes. Slowing down and taking your time feels ineffectual to the problem-solver, and possibly like admitting defeat. I didn’t stop trying for the extreme until I was absolutely certain it wouldn’t work.

Patience operates out of trust. It knows that something is coming, and is willing to be still long enough for it to show up. Its actions are reaching but subtle. When I couldn’t lose weight living on vegetables and exercising 7 days a week I tried eating whatever I wanted on the condition I eat slowly and enjoy it. I quickly lost 15 lbs, and another 20 as time progressed. With this new philosophy my relationship experiences and living situation also improved within a year, and I became psychic which was a career development I never could have imagined for myself.

When you feel like you are stuck no matter what you do, slow down and look for the subtle action. In my experience, the gentle choice is where the most change takes place.

I will be exploring this concept in greater detail along with other tools of success in my talk, “Your Dreams ARE Practical: Creating an Ideal Life One Day at a Time” at the end of the month. Click here to learn more.

We hammer wood for a house,
but it is the inner space
that makes it livable.

We work with being
but non-being is what we use.
- Tao te Ching, Stephen Mitchell translation

How we look at things changes how they show up for us.

This is not a new concept, however it is not quite as simple as we might believe. There is a fundamental desire inside all of us to feel that life has definable terms and we are ultimately secure. This need pulls us toward seeing certain aspects of life as heavy and immovable, and nothing fulfills that call better than the perception of a problem.

We need to understand that problems have less to do with events and more to do with an instinctual desire to feel safe. Until you realize that your brain is hardwired to perceive something is wrong, the sense of having a problem will continuously plague your life.

With that in mind, I would propose that it is more useful to shift perspective toward movement than a positive feeling or intention. This is because opinions about what serves are rooted in the ego, the same structure that’s addicted to perceiving problems. If you let your opinion about what you want to feel/see direct your perception, it will always bring you back to seeing something wrong.

Rather, if we can learn to see movement for the sake of movement, we lose the narrative of being stuck that is the basis for all problems. Allow me to demonstrate. Pick an object in the room to look at, preferably a few feet away from you. It can be anything, a spot on the wall or a mess you’ve been meaning to clean up.

Go ahead and stare at it, and notice how you feel as you do (physical tension or emotions might come up). Now look at the space around the object. If you picked something on the wall focus on the air in front of it. Try to maintain this awareness of space for a full minute. How does it change your sense of body and emotion to look at emptiness rather than something solid?

There is a level of the mind that cannot differentiate between what we perceive and who we are. When we focus on something as solid, we perceive ourselves as solid, and tend to feel heavy and like there aren’t a lot of options. When we look at the space around things, we perceive the spaciousness within ourselves, and the feeling of movement and energy is naturally present.

You can do this same exercise with a problem in your life. Practice observing the air around you, and consciously bring up a situation that has felt impenetrable in your life. Do you notice a difference in how you perceive it? You can also ask to see the space around the problem when thoughts about it come up.

Please note, you are not focusing on a positive intention, prayer, emotion, or trying to find something good about a bad situation. The power of perception works best in raw form, when we apply it toward seeing movement for the sake of movement, and not a narrow view of what we believe serves.

Practice observing spaciousness, and when faced with something that feels like a problem, ask “how can it be different?” Apply your awareness toward movement, and you will feel freedom.

I post this during my vacation in Hawaii, which has been as wonderful an experience as one might imagine. The only bother has been a sunburn acquired on the first day, followed by another more extreme burn a few days later when I thought I’d learned my lesson. The lesson? Wear sunscreen.

The song below expands on this point, with the wisdom and eloquence of Baz Luhrman.

In the summer of 2010 the BBC launched a three episode mini-series called “Sherlock”. It tells the story of Sherlock Holmes in modern day. After a 17-month hiatus, it debuted a second season, also consisting of three episodes.

I cannot describe in words how much I love this show, or what a major event it was in my life when it finally (finally!) aired new episodes. I was physically shaking with adrenaline, and could barely sit still through the first episode. I share this not as an endorsement or recommendation of the show, but because of a thought I had while witnessing my rather dramatic reaction: do I want to be more excited about a TV show than about my daily life?

My life is narrated by my thoughts and emotions about reality, which makes for a rather intense subject matter. Add to this the unpredictability of each moment, the changing cast of characters (and the dramatic interactions with those characters), the frankly unbelievable twists, and the fact that it’s all about Me, well, how could I not be quivering with excitement at the prospect of each new day?

For the first three weeks of January Sherlock aired new episodes. For each of those weeks, I compared my enthusiasm about the day with my enthusiasm for the upcoming episode. If I found my thoughts drifting to the show, I brought them (with all the attendant excitement) to what I was doing. I made no attempt to direct events in a particular direction, just to be interested in them.

As an exercise, imagine your life is a story. Suppose what creates the story is not a series of events, but your level of interest in it. Think of something in your life you really enjoy and notice how excited you are about it. Entertain the possibility that you were excited first, and this event in your life arose spontaneously as a mirror of your natural enthusiasm. What happens when you consciously choose to be enthusiastic about a day, regardless of what you imagine might happen in it?

What I discovered in addressing each day as an exciting adventure in which I couldn’t wait to see what happened next, was that the stories told became much more interesting.

It was like turning up the colors of my life. Experiences became more vibrant, and I discovered just how much I truly enjoy the vast majority of what I do in a day. In fact, the more interested I was, the more enjoyable the activities – including ones like cleaning the bathroom or preparing my tax records – became.

All of this came out of a resolve not to let a TV show be more exciting than my life. I’m still very enthusiastic about this particular show, but nothing in it can compare to the excitement of knowing that I get to be an active player in a never before told story this very moment, and anything is possible.

This letter was posted on the website, “Letters of Note”, http://www.lettersofnote.com/ which gathers real-life letters, postcards, etc that are significant in some way. A friend brought this website to my attention, and I felt moved to share this particular part of a letter on my own blog.

In July of 1931, author and philosopher Will Durant wrote to a number of notable figures and asked, essentially, “What is the meaning of life?” His letter concluded:

Spare me a moment to tell me what meaning life has for you, what keeps you going, what help—if any—religion gives you, what are the sources of your inspiration and your energy, what is the goal or motive-force of your toil, where you find your consolations and your happiness, where, in the last resort, your treasure lies. Write briefly if you must; write at length and at leisure if you possibly can; for every word from you will be precious to me.

Durant received many replies, a selection of which were compiled in the book, “On the Meaning of Life.” It includes a profound response by H.L. Mencken, the first part of which so exactly matches my own philosophy I couldn’t help but share it here:

Dear Durant

You ask me, in brief, what satisfaction I get out of life, and why I go on working. I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. There is in every living creature an obscure but powerful impulse to active functioning. Life demands to be lived. Inaction, save as a measure of recuperation between bursts of activity, is painful and dangerous to the healthy organism—in fact, it is almost impossible. Only the dying can be really idle.

The precise form of an individual’s activity is determined, of course, by the equipment with which he came into the world. In other words, it is determined by his heredity. I do not lay eggs, as a hen does, because I was born without any equipment for it. For the same reason I do not get myself elected to Congress, or play the violoncello, or teach metaphysics in a college, or work in a steel mill. What I do is simply what lies easiest to my hand. It happens that I was born with an intense and insatiable interest in ideas, and thus like to play with them. It happens also that I was born with rather more than the average facility for putting them into words. In consequence, I am a writer and editor, which is to say, a dealer in them and concoctor of them.

There is very little conscious volition in all this. What I do was ordained by the inscrutable fates, not chosen by me. In my boyhood, yielding to a powerful but still subordinate interest in exact facts, I wanted to be a chemist, and at the same time my poor father tried to make me a business man. At other times, like any other realtively poor man, I have longed to make a lot of money by some easy swindle. But I became a writer all the same, and shall remain one until the end of the chapter, just as a cow goes on giving milk all her life, even though what appears to be her self-interest urges her to give gin.

I am far luckier than most men, for I have been able since boyhood to make a good living doing precisely what I have wanted to do—what I would have done for nothing, and very gladly, if there had been no reward for it. Not many men, I believe, are so fortunate. Millions of them have to make their livings at tasks which really do not interest them. As for me, I have had an extraordinarily pleasant life, despite the fact that I have had the usual share of woes. For in the midst of these woes I still enjoyed the immense satisfaction which goes with free activity. I have done, in the main, exactly what I wanted to do. Its possible effects on other people have interested me very little. I have not written and published to please other people, but to satisfy myself, just as a cow gives milk, not to profit the dairyman, but to satisfy herself. I like to think that most of my ideas have been sound ones, but I really don’t care. The world may take them or leave them. I have had my fun hatching them.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our
deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
Marianne Williamson

“It’s a dangerous business, going out your front door.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

When starting my business I decided the best way to market my work was to speak to groups and offer sample readings. This quickly led to regular monthly workshops, and eventually the creation of a meetup. The meetup now has me organizing and/or leading 3 – 5 events a month, including a bi-monthly support group.

The result is every month for the past two years I have given public presentations. This is okay, except I recently noticed I’m terrified of public speaking.

Well, it’s not so much public speaking as rejection I fear. When one stands up in front of a group of people, it gives them a strong opportunity to decide whether or not they like you. The larger the group, the greater the possibility someone in it will reject you.

The more successful we become, the more people see us, and the greater the danger of being unwelcome. Someone wiser than me might point out here that other people’s opinions don’t matter, knowing your own value is enough, and you give away your power when you try to please others.

All of that may well be true, but it’s a lesson I’m still learning and I don’t feel prepared to speak on it now. Rather I will share what has helped me continue to teach classes, lead groups, and send mass e-mails to hundreds of people despite all my fear:  a quote.

Specifically, the one mentioned above spoken by the character Bilbo Baggins. Going out your front door is a dangerous thing. And that’s okay.

Some weeks ago I came home shaking from a talk I’d given, my faith in myself and my abilities shattered by what I believed to be a poor performance on my part. That quote came unbidden to my mind, and I found myself laughing with gratitude and relief.

I realized even if I truly had done a terrible job I wouldn’t change a thing. All I had done – all any of us ever do when we endeavor to create in the world – is go out the front door.

I’d say anything that happens after that is by definition okay, because the alternative would be unthinkable. The alternative would be the greatest artists in the world never picking up a paintbrush, scientific discoveries never being made, and the loss of invention itself. I refuse to live in such a world, which is why you’ll notice a list of events next to this article.

I would suggest that true success is in doing a thing, not in how it’s received. I would suggest that it is better to take advantage of opportunities than to wonder what might have been. And I would suggest that tea and a good book are always available if you need time to recover from a particularly worrisome adventure.

These are quotes that have had lasting effect in my life. I found they awoke a positive aspect inside myself, and persistently nudged it into staying awake.  I thought it worthwhile to share them, since I can’t seem to forget them.

~~

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” Mother Theresa

~

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and (will) be lost. It is not your business to determine how good it is; nor how valuable it is; nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us alive.”  Martha Graham

~

“Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”  Calvin Coolidge

~

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.”
Henry David Thoreau

~

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Wayne Gretzky

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“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Gandhi

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling. 
Margaret Lee Runbeck

How does it serve?

This is a question I was taught to ask in place of, “does it make me happy?”  The idea is to learn to make choices outside of the reactive realm of emotions, and to base them on developing one’s personal evolution instead.

Yet I found my answers to the question, “how does it serve?” always trended toward telling a story that it might lead to something that would one day make me happy.  Meaning becoming happy was still the underlying motive for my choices. 

The only trouble with this mindset is it enforces the idea that I am not already happy, and there is something about the present moment that requires improvement.  In order to escape the belief that there was something wrong with my life, I needed to learn to orient toward goals that didn’t enforce that idea.

So I started asking more detailed questions, in alignment with the spirit of “how does it serve?”  I noticed they work best from a space of neutral observation:

Does this activity or thought encourage me to become more conscious or less conscious of my present experience?

What is the action of the energy?  If I follow the energy of where I am putting my attention, where does it take me?

What am I holding onto?  What is it like to let it go?

In my experience, the most useful intention is to achieve neutrality.  Happiness is already here, it is when we make it a goal that we experience separation from it and bind ourselves to an elusive chase.

Neutrality on the other hand is a freeing tool.  It observes experience, and the thoughts about experience, and allows for ever expanding awareness of what else is here, and what else is possible.  It has no charge so cannot be caught in a pattern of the mind, rather it recognizes the patterns and makes a different choice.  Practice being a neutral observer, and you notice there is a sense of expansive joy woven into the very nature of your being.

What am I holding onto?

Feeling upset is often another way of feeling threatened.  An idea or story is coming in that we don’t like because it threatens a belief we are holding onto that might lead to deeper truth if released.  If you can observe what feels threatened, often the need to keep it in place will let go and the negative response will give way to a feeling of expansiveness or peace.  The deeper things hit us, the harder it can be to see what we are holding on to, so give yourself time to sit with this question.